


Where Do You Sail When the Sun Goes

by theawesomepfanfic



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Immortality, Joel-centric, Multi, immortal au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 19:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5678263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theawesomepfanfic/pseuds/theawesomepfanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel had lived a completely awful life up to the moment he accidentally found himself in the base of FunHaus, one of the biggest gangs inside of Los Santos.<br/>He never knew falling in love and dying for six gang members would be the best choice he'd ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Do You Sail When the Sun Goes

**Author's Note:**

> This has evolved from a story about Adam and Joel to a Joel story to like, so much more than I expected it to be. There is going to be so much more to this, trust me. I want to go into the background of all of the guys and a lot more into Joel, this is sort of just the prologue, I guess.  
> Based around this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip8vCnReoNE  
> Based on this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FhW6g5zsmE&index=25&list=PLbIc1971kgPAyK4mW_PHDB_JrrkhQ3OG7  
> *warning: mention of a character death + some nsfw stuff*

When Joel looked back on the events that led him to this moment in his life, possibly the last, he couldn't help but crack a smile. Where he lay dying, he knew that he'd never take back any of the memories that he’d made in the last month alone. He would never want to remove himself from this story.

The bullet wounds in his stomach hurt like hell. He thought it was a bit overkill, but then again, he still wasn't dead. He was drenched in his own blood, and his mouth had a gross metallic taste that he couldn't bother to attempt and get rid of. He _was_ scared. He wasn't going to see them ever again.

Them. James, Bruce, Adam, Sean, Lawrence, Matt. The six most important people in his life. Odd, to think that just a month ago, he didn't even know them. And now, he was going to leave them. He hoped the losers didn't cry when they found him, but he had a strong doubt that they would. He knew in the end he was not much more than just their new play thing, something that was replaceable.

He smiled at the thought of his boys forgetting about him when they found someone new to play with. Hopefully the next one would have a better start than he did. He let out a small chuckle as he started to slip into darkness, and found himself drifting into the memory of how he met them...

\----

Joel had never wanted to come to Los Santos. He has left the city years ago for a reason, and going back to the hell hole of a place for _any_ reason gave him a headache. It was too big, too smelly, and too fucking easy to get lost in. Not to mention, people in the city _knew_ him. Knew what he was, what he did.

His GPS had failed him. It had led him to some dock in the middle of nowhere, and he was pretty pissed off. He'd come to see his cousin and have a decent, nice visit in the nice part of the city, not have to talk to fishy sailors about how to turn around and get out of this place.

"Damn it all." He hissed as he drove further into the complex on the one lane road, getting himself even more lost. He knew he should have never even tried to come here. He'd probably die in this place because he had tried to be a nice person to his cousin. There was nothing good in the city, nothing but whores and gangs and scumbags.

The sound of a very loud engine snapped his attention to above him- a car was in the air above him, the driver hidden behind tinted windows- he yelped and threw his car into reverse and slammed his foot on the pedal, barely moving out of the way before the car landed right where his was seconds before.

The car sped off just as another landed in it's place and raced after the first. Joel could only stare as three other cars followed after very quickly- and a sixth finally following far behind.

Joel was shaking in his seat and watched as the cars raced around a makeshift track, running into each other and attempting to land on or knock the other cars off of the dock and into the water. He tried to move his car back further, but found his tires scraping across the ground.

He rolled his window down and glanced down at his tires, only to find them all popped. He noticed spikes on the ground right where he had backed up. Of all the things in the world, _tire spikes?_ Where the fuck was he that the people were so desperate to protect their shit that they had tire spikes laying around? He heard one of the cars suddenly screech to a halt, and he glanced from his tires and found one of the expensive cars stopped.

His heart plummeted into his stomach.

The driver stepped out of the car and removed his helmet, and Joel watched as his eyes narrowed- he was average height with short brown hair and a bit of a beard. He looked intimidating, and the gun at his waist only aided to the fear spinning through Joel's head. He didn’t take his eyes off of the man until he started to walk away from the car and the logo that was plastered on the door caught Joel’s eye.

_Jesus. Fucking. Christ. FunHaus._ He'd driven into territory of the third biggest gang in the city. A direct branch off of Roosterteeth, the biggest and most powerful gang in not only the city, but the whole goddamn country. His heart was pretty much sinking down into the depths of his stomach and he said his final prayers, sure this was the end.

The man was approaching his car when _very_ suddenly another one of the race cars came speeding through and ran straight into him. Joel was absolutely horrified and watched as the guy rolled over the hood and fell motionless on the ground. The driver of the vehicle stopped and threw his door open crying… Because he was laughing so hard.

"Ahaha! I fucking wrecked you, Adam!" He nearly choked on his own laughter as he made his way over to the man on the ground.

"Jesus, James! You didn't have to hit him so hard!" a third man joined the group, laughing as he scolded the taller man.

"He was just standing there, Lawrence. I had to do it. If I missed out on such an easy kill, I probably would have died myself!" James wiped at his eyes, sitting Adam's body up and dumping water on his head.

Three other guys joined them and were laughing about everything. Joel quickly learned their names from where he sat, frozen, in his seat. The dead one was Adam, the one that had hit him was James, and the one who had scolded him was Lawrence. The other three were Bruce, Matt, and Sean. He had probably gotten more information on the six men than any hacker that was ever hired to grab information on them just from this little situation.

They were all too happy for the situation. Joel had never seen a dead body in his life and he was actually beyond terrified of what would happen to him if they had willingly killed one of their own. He sunk down in his seat and tried to hide from them.

"Whose car is that?" he heard one of them- Sean- finally ask. There was silence and he pushed himself down further into the seat.

"I don't know, but they ran over our spikes." James grumbled, and Joel heard footsteps approaching him. His heart was thundering in his chest and he was absolutely terrified as Bruce poked his head in the window.

"Oh, just a scared Civ. Cute one too." Bruce pulled the door open and Joel fell out and onto the ground, his eyes wide as he tried to scramble away, but was stopped by James’s presence leaning over him.

Matt grabbed his bag and pulled out his wallet, humming as he read all his information, "Joel."

"Awh, hey Joel!" James leaned down and took his cheeks in his hands, a devious grin on his face, "You're sure lost."

"Please let me go." Joel pressed out, trying his hardest not to cry. He didn't want to show weakness to these pricks, but he was pretty close to breaking down.

"Can't do that." Something hard hit his head, and he fell into darkness.

\---

"-saw him when you fucking decided to run me the fuck over!" an angry voice: one that Joel had never heard, was yelling. He found that he was resting on a very comfortable bed, though when he tried to move he noted his hands were tied very tightly to the headboard.

"Jeez Adam, we got him. He's just a little Civ. Probably couldn't even lock himself in a pair of cuffs." James sighed.

"A civilian who found our fucking base, James." Adam snapped in return, and Joel found his deep voice almost soothing. Adam seemed to be the most serious of the group, and Joel rationed that he would probably be the one who took Joel's life.

"Listen. He isn't anyone from M, alright? Just a harmless Civ. I checked his phone, he is going to visit his cousin. He's a lonely prick, alright? Nudes everywhere. But damn, is he attractive." Lawrence seemed to try and soothe Adam's worries, but he only aided to Joel's.

_Holy shit they found his nudes._

Oh God, he wasn't even going to die with his dignity. The whole group had his nudes. His dick picks. His _ass_ pictures. They also had his phone. If he really thought about it, he knew they'd probably just toss his phone with his body, but he was actually terrified that they'd send them to his family.

Now that he was thinking about it, something was wrong. Hadn't Adam's body been fucking obliterated by James's car? How the fuck was he up and talking?

He'd seen the reports, about how they all had seemed dead but would always just come back. How they all were miracle men- FunHaus, the Fake AH, and the center of it all, RT. He'd assumed they just had some sort of liquid luck, but now that he'd seen Adam die before his own eyes...

"Holy fuck. _Holy fuck."_ He was beyond screwed. These people were immortal. They couldn't die. But Joel, Joel could die.

"Listen babe, I'm sorry. You know you would have done the same." James spoke and Joel tuned in again, having totally stopped listening to the group's conversation.

"Can I kiss it and make it better?" James made his voice real sweet and Joel heard Adam snort and then gently laugh.

"You're a prick, James." Adam grumbled.

"But I'm your prick." James replied, and one of the other guys clicked their tongue.

"No, you're _our_ prick James." Lawrence hummed, and Joel heard them kiss. His heart plummeted into his stomach as he realized, well shit, these fucks are all dating. There goes his plan of seducing one of them into letting him go. It had worked in the movies, so he assumed that if he had picked the right target- probably Sean- he could make he was out of the mess he was in.

The mess that was surrounded by immortal, polynormous, psychopathic gang members who had him tied up in their bedroom. He couldn't handle the thought of what they would do, and with a little shudder he passed out.

\---

"He's sort of cute. We haven't had a mortal with us in a long time. Bruce said that we can think about keeping him with us, he might be a good fighter. Also, big dick." Sean was talking, and Joel felt that his hands were untied and someone was applying an ointment that felt wonderful on his raw skin.

For a moment he thought about running, but after hearing that, he knew he at least had a slim chance to live, and running felt like throwing it away. He opened his eyes and found his arm being held gently by Matt, who glanced at him and then back down at Joel's wrists.

"Oh, hi Joel! I'm Sean, but you can call me Spoole. This is Matt, you were tugging at your wrists real bad in your sleep, so we wanted to get you fixed up." Spoole smiled at him and gently stroked at the skin above Joel’s wrist, not only making the situation awkward but also sending shivers up his spine.

"...well, I'm not typically tied up while I sleep." Joel tried to smile at the young man, but was still scared of him in the end. They were Funhaus through and through.

Matt was very slow and careful with his movements, but not long later he had both of Joel's wrists securely bandaged. He glanced away from the bandages, the sight reminding him too much of his past. He turned his eyes towards the two, expecting them to tie him back up, but Spoole simply pulled Matt close and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for helping me, Matt." Spoole chimed, and Matt smiled before collecting his things and leaving the room.

"...aren't you tying me up again?" Joel asked, and Sean shook his head before handing Joel a glass of water.

"No. Just don't try and run, Adam and Bruce don't find you as a threat.. Yet." Sean winked at him and got up to leave, "Oh. You can walk around and stuff. The doors are all locked, so you can't get out anyway! The fridges are all stocked, so if you wanna peak around, I think Larr is the only one still around.”

After he left, Joel swallowed back a lump in his throat. The kid was young and sweet but those few awkward, morbid moments made Joel uneasy. The other one, Matt, was so quiet Joel couldn't even get a read on him.

This was _kidnapping._ Joel knew that. But he'd never heard of kidnappers so crazy easy going with their captive. He glanced out of his door, needing to stretch out his legs, and when he found mostly silence he decided to walk around.

The base resembled that of a warehouse, with planning tables scrambled all around and refrigerators, a few large televisions here and there, and a whole setup of computers where the one he remembered as Lawrence was working away.

"Fuck." Lawrence grumbled over something and Joel couldn't help but be a little curious. Lawrence never seemed to be a violent one, so Joel snuck over and peeked over his shoulder.

He was working on breaking into some system. Joel could tell, he'd seen it done before, he had _done_ it before. Work for certain companies who wanted full access to opponents websites. He caught the mistake that Lawrence was making nearly right away.

"Hey, uh, your mistake is right there, you put a six instead of an eight, you can't crack it with that, you're just alerting them you're trying to get into their stuff." Joel pointed at the screen and Lawrence jumped in his seat, clearly shocked.

"Oh.. Hi- shit you're right." Lawrence went through and fixed his coding, sighing in relief as the screen shifted and he found himself away from cracking the code and finally into whatever files he was trying to get. His shoulders bunched up suddenly, and he returned his gaze to Joel.

They stared at each other for a moment and Joel decided to step away before anything more could happen. He shuffled to one of the smaller refrigerators, found a can of soda, and shuffled back to his room.

 ---

"Wake up." Someone was leaning over him, and he woke upon command, his eyes wide. Adam and James were standing over him, and they both hauled him up.

"Listen, I was just telling you because he can help us, Adam! Don't hurt him!" Lawrence snapped, but Adam and James shoved Joel into a chair and bound his hands tightly behind his back.

Joel was terrified. James was the one who had easily killed one of their own, and Adam had come back from said death. Out of the six, they were the most frightening to him.

"Adam, don't hurt him! He didn't do anything wrong!" Lawrence yelled, but Adam again didn't listen and roughly grabbed Joel's chin.

"Who are you working for." Adam snapped, squeezing tightly at Joel's chin.

_Fuck. Not now._

His dick was hot. He was hot. Any rough touch was more than enough to send him over the edge. It probably didn't help that Adam was daddy as fuck, with that angry look on his handsome face and his buff, _rough_ shoulders..

And James. Despite how he first appeared to Joel, looking at him now he was fucking attractive. His shirt hugged his perfectly ripped body, and frown on his face only added to the growing heat in his jeans.

He attempted to cross his legs and hide his growing erection. Adam noticed the movement and took a step back, staring at the bump in Joel's pants. James followed his gaze and they both shared the shocked look.

Joel wasn't against fucking random strangers. He had sex with a lot of people. He had an attractiveness that people were drawn right to, and the sex was good most of the time. He didn't know how he felt about sex with his kidnappers, but they were fucking hot.

"Whoa. Did you pop a boner because I grabbed your chin?" Adam asked, and Joel glanced away nervously.

"Holy shit. He did." James breathed out, and Joel felt his face flushing quickly. This was the worst. Or maybe the best.

He felt Adam's calloused, cool hand on his chin again, and it yanked him back into attention. Their eyes locked and Adam squeezed roughly again, causing Joel to gasp and move into the touch.

"Are you working for someone?" Adam asked, moving closer into Joel's space and slowly brushing his finger over Joel's cheek.

"No." Joel breathed out, trying to move closer himself.

"No, _sir_." Adam snapped, and holy shit was that it. Joel gasped as the words left Adam's mouth, and his hard cock pressed up against his tight jeans.

"N-no, sir..." Well, fuck. This was quite the situation, wasn’t it? And his mouth just kept moving without his brain telling it to. His kinks were just too overpowering for his well being, and now he was going to get fucked by the leader of FunHaus… Well. Maybe this wasn’t that bad, right? He started to weigh his options, but Adam kept on talking.

"Do you want this?" Adam firmly asked, brushing his fingers down Joel's neck. Joel finally put all of his options together and found that the pros quite significantly outweighed the cons.  

"Yes, sir." Joel responded, making sure that Adam knew he was one hundred percent sure. He hadn't been fucked by such a buff, attractive man in such a long time, so how bad could it be? Not to mention...

He let his gaze wander from Adam over to James, who raised his brow and pulled Adam up to whisper with him. Joel watched them eagerly, hoping they'd both agree and literally fuck him unconscious. He was such a dirty fucking slut and he fucking knew it. He wish he didn’t, but he did.

And, chances were, if he did what they wanted, if he was good for them, they could let him go. That’s how most of his sexcipades started and ended, with someone wanting something and him giving them his body instead. He didn’t have much more than his body to give in the end.

_Or, just maybe, one of them would actually possibly love him, want him to be their own, or by some ungodly reason, all of them could want him-_

His hands were suddenly untied and he was ripped from his perfect world.  Adam was lifting him up and carrying him back towards his bedroom, and Joel quickly put on his clingy bitch act, knowing that Adam would want something like that. A _good boy._ That’s what they all wanted in the end.

"What are you going to call James?" Adam breathed into his ear, sending violent shivers down Joel's spine. Adam's voice was deep and demanding, and he wasn't asking Joel, he was telling him to pick a name for James.

"Master. If that's okay with you, sir." Joel said quickly, breathing in Adam's cologne and wanting more of him. Why did they all have to smell so good? Even Sean had some sort of perfect scent that went with his boyish looks, and Joel absolutely craved it.

"That sounds perfect, baby." _Holy fucking shit._ This must be a wet dream. There was no way in hell that he was going to have sex with two buff, handsome guys who both wanted to call him his favorite fucking pet name. He almost pinched himself, but Adam dropped him into the bed and the rough force of it confirmed that _hell yeah,_ this was real.

He let out a tiny whimper as Adam moved in front of him and continued to let the pet name slip out of his lips and into his ear. James slid behind him and gently rubbed his hands down Joel’s sides, feeling every inch of him down, down, down, and it was almost too much for him to take and he let out the loudest of lude moans that he had probably ever heard escape his own lips.

"You like that, baby boy?" James pressed a small kiss against the back of Joel's neck as his cool hands continued to explore Joel’s body, and the slid up to the front of him and found his nipples through his shirt- _fuck, how are these guys finding all his fucking kinks-_ and started to just squeeze the spot.

"Yes, master." Joel gasped out, turning his head back in a desperate attempt to get his lips pressed against James’s own. For a second he and James shared a look, and he swore James looked right past his walls and into the core of him. His brows pressed together and before Joel could distract him with a kiss, Adam’s hand was on his chin.

"Greedy boy, trying to kiss James without asking first.” Adam grumbled, pulling Joel's head up towards him for a rough kiss. Joel mewed into Adam's soft lips, moving away from James's touch so that he could get more out of Adam.

James snuck up behind him and slid his hands under Joel's shirt as Adam continued to kiss away at his lips. He hadn't had this much touch, this much stimulation in months. It was, without a doubt, amazing... And they hadn't even gotten to the best part yet.

"Adam. I'm going to get the lube, get him undressed, will you?" James purred, pulling away from Joel and leaving the room. Adam pulled away for a moment only so that he could find the bottom of Joel's shirt and rip it off.

Christ, he was excited. He could barely hold back his excited noises as Adam started to undress because he really wanted to see his dick. He assumed it was big, mainly because Adam was buff and because he could see the fairly large bulge in Adam's pants.

"Take your pants off." Adam demanded, and Joel was quick to obey. He left his boxers on, but Adam did not. They were flung away on the floor and his dick- jesus, his huge dick- was pressed up against his stomach and Joel didn't wait a moment to move and wrap his lips around it and work his magic.

"Fuck." Adam's hand looped into his hair and held him firmly where he was, and Joel hummed happily and gave Adam a sloppy, dirty little kiss right on the tip.

"Whoa. Holy shit." James came back into the room and smiled at the scene playing out before him. Adam was nearly breathless already, and gave James a shaky smile.

"He is a great dick sucker- ah!" Adam gasped as Joel brought his hand up and squeezed away at Adam's balls.

"Oh, that's enough. You're getting my dear Adam too close too fast baby." James chuckled and pulled Joel back and away from Adam's now soaking wet dick.

Joel leaned into James's arms, happy that he was being held by the other man. He was glad there was some sort of intimacy in this whole situation, that James was paying attention to him, pressing small butterfly kisses to his neck as he tossed Adam the bottle of lube. Joel let his eyes close as he got lost in the feeling of James’s hands on him, his gentle kisses and the sudden, rough sucking on his neck that pretty much sent Joel over the edge right then and there.

And then came the finger.

He hadn’t even noticed Adam moving around until his very cold finger was working it’s way inside him, spreading the lubricant around his walls and working him open for what was going to come. He couldn’t help but buck his hips up in the air, the sudden contact mixed with James’s touches everything that he had wanted.

“Look at that, James. You’re so excited for my cock, aren’t you, you dirty slut?” James worked his kisses up to Joel’s ears and kissed him as Adam let the words flow freely from his lips, causing a mix of emotions to flood through Joel’s head.

“Yes, I want him so bad!” Is what he went with, trying to ignore the ‘slut’ used. He didn’t want to disobey what they wanted, even though that dug up skeletons that had been trying to get to him for years.

“Be nice, Adam.” James didn’t sound very happy but Joel tried to block everything out and just enjoy the feeling of Adam’s fingers sliding around inside of him, stretching him out and searching around to tease Joel.

“Alright, I think he’s good to go.” Adam pulled out without so much touching Joel’s prostate, and the smaller man let out a disappointed noise that he tried to hide behind a moan. James started to turn him around and Joel didn’t see the very pissed look that he gave Adam.

Joel hadn’t noticed, but James had gotten undressed. His ripped chest was showing off right in front of him, and Joel got harder just looking the buff man over. Not to mention his dick, which was just as big as Adam’s, but maybe a tad bit thinner- but still very good looking where it rested against James’s stomach, leaking pre-cum down his belly.

He knew what they wanted without asking, and stuck his ass up for Adam to take control of as his mouth found it’s way to James’s dick. He’d been taken through both doors before, this whole thing was nothing new to him. Adam seemed impressed and grabbed roughly at Joel’s hips and just watched him make James gasp and grunt for a few moments.

Joel felt pretty bad for his own neglected dick, but he didn’t say anything about it, focusing on James and James only. That was until he felt Adam pushing himself inside, turning his world right on around as the thick, hard dick stretched him out even further and started to claim him as it’s own.

He was pretty much lost in ecstasy for the next fifteen or so minutes. Adam was nothing but rough, pounding away into him and making him feel like every moment he was going to just break, but _God_ did it feel so good in the end. James was much more lenient with him, letting Joel set his own pace with James dick, and he did appreciate it, because from time to time he had to stop to just scream as Adam would pick up the pace.

James came first, pulling back but not far enough that his seed didn’t spray Joel right across the face. He didn’t complain, because now he was just focusing on Adam, who pulled him back so that they were pressed together and his hand was wrapped right around Joel’s throat, restricting his breathing.

He hadn’t felt this fucking good in so long, and even as he started to feel lightheaded and even as Adam came deep inside of him, he tried to hold onto the feeling for as long as he can, because it might be his last. He came moments after Adam, who had simply grabbed at the base of Joel’s poorly neglected dick and caused the best orgasm Joel had ever felt to leave him.

He was pretty sure he passed out. Adam hadn’t exactly let go of his throat until after he had finished, and when he finally opened his eyes, he was all alone.

A dread hit him hard. He sat up, his back aching and his face still sticky with James’s warm cum. They had just left him. _Of course they did. He was nothing more than a fucktoy now. He’d opened the doors and now there was no way of going back._

“Hey, sorry about that.” James was suddenly beside him, and a cold rag was along his cheek, wiping away the sticky fluid. Joel glanced at him with shaking eyes, because he was nearly on the edge of just breaking down. James seemed to notice and gently took Joel’s hand and squeezed.

“You’re okay. Adam didn’t hurt you, did he? He gets crazy when he gets to be the big guy in bed. Lawrence normally makes him his bitch.” James wiped Joel’s face clean and then helped him stand up so that he could properly start cleaning his stomach and thighs.

“I… No, I’ve had worse.” Joel was sort of on autopilot for talking and had no filter, and James came to a pause where he was wiping at Joel’s thighs.

“You have?” James was prodding and Joel didn’t really catch on, just gave a nod and continued to spew out whatever James wanted to hear. His old clients would use that against him in the past, his easy nature after he had been brutally fucked.

“Yeah. One time a guy just… left me chained to a bed with a cock ring and-” James stood up and just gently pressed his fingers to Joel’s lips, worry spreading across his face. Joel finally realized what he was doing and quickly clamped his mouth shut, surprised that James had actually stopped him from just telling his whole damn past.

“Well, that’s never going to happen again. You’ve got us to protect you, alright? You’re ours, but- not like- _owned,_ but-” James couldn’t seem to find the right word, and Joel was too exhausted to press it any further. He let himself fall back onto the bed and he was out like a light.

\---

_Matt was warm._

He was a passionate lover who would make sure that Joel felt good in _every single_ situation. His hand would always find itself wandering to be in Joel's own, or he would sneak up behind Joel and just hold him tight and press his face into Joel’s neck. He never liked their bodies to be apart, and his favorite way for them to make love would be Joel riding him, their faces close together and Matt's hands firmly, yet oh so gently guiding his hips up and down. He would place sweet little kisses all across Joel's jaw and neck, and afterwards he'd stay curled up in bed with him.

_Sean was passionate._

He was a young, quick lover. Joel liked the change of pace though, the rush that he'd get from their fast and suddenly finished moments of embrace. Sean was pretty much all over him in those moments, never letting Joel out of his grasp, making sure that his front was always pressed right into Joel's back. It was exciting, as it would be _sudden_ , somewhere random, the kitchen, the bathroom, just anywhere that the two of them could meet and become one in under five minutes. Time after time Joel would catch Sean just staring at him with a dopey grin that would release a swarm of butterflies into Joel’s stomach.

_Bruce was wonderful._

If he was held against his will and forced to choose which one of his lovers were the best, it was, without a single doubt in his mind, his dear Bruce. Not only in bed, where they would be pressed so close that Joel almost felt like they were a single being, but when they were anywhere. Bruce was the first of the group to grow protective of him, sneaking into his room late at night and just holding him close. Bruce’s breath on the back of his neck, their legs tangled together and everything just feeling so warm and so _perfect_ made Joel never want to leave those moments, and he believed that Bruce never wanted to be pulled from them either.

_Adam was sad._

Joel would have never guessed from just looking at him, or from the mask he put on at first, but Adam was so sad. He found the man just sitting alone from time to time, staring out the window and looking so empty and lifeless to the world. Joel _hated_ it. He would always sneak over and gently take Adam’s hand and just stay with him, reminding him he wasn’t alone with whatever was eating at him.

Adam was pretty when he cried. The tears that leaked down his cheeks would make his skin shine, and his eyes would shimmer as the tears would moisten them. Joel would lay and watch him sometimes before brushing the tears away and just reminding Adam that he was there for him with a gentle kiss. Adam would yank him close and hold him as though the world would yank him away at any given second, and Joel didn’t mind.

_James was his sunshine._

Through all the shit that Joel had been through in his life, he had never really had a light that had been there to brighten his world. James was that singular feeling that he had always been searching for. His laugh was so contagious and sweet, and whenever he saw any of them looking down, he would be there to crack a joke or remind them how much he loved them.  

James never got upset, or at least Joel had never seen him reach his breaking point. He was like the bit of glue that held the whole group together and in the right mind. Joel admired him for that, and whenever he would see James standing with Adam or Lawrence and comforting them, smiling at them, he would grow a little bit more in love with the man.

_Lawrence was confusing._

He didn't look it, but he was _the_ dominate of the whole relationship. Everything came from Lawrence. Every demand, every command, every touch. He would normally sit back and just watch, telling Adam or James how to touch Joel, instructing Joel on how to take them, just always _watching._ It was a rare occurrence to be actually touched by Lawrence, but once Joel had experienced it, craved it just as much as the others.

When Lawrence would sneak into his room at night, it was like heaven on earth. He was soft with every movement, making sure that Joel was the center of attention. He had never been eaten out before, but when Lawrence had first done it, Joel hadn't lasted much longer than a minute. Joel would always try to repay the favor, but Lawrence never asked for anything in return. He would finish Joel off, clean him, and then leave him. It was heaven that ended in hell, lonely, confused hell.

He couldn’t really pick Lawrence apart. While the others were always so all over each other, he seemed to stick back, stay out of things like hugs and cuddles and kisses, almost as if he didn’t want to be loved in return. Joel only ever caught it once, when Adam had pressed a small kiss to his temple after they’d arrived home from a very dangerous heist that had left the other man with a long scar across his cheek.

_The heists._

Joel hated it when they left him alone to go out and do those stupid jobs. A month into their relationship and he would be stuck at the base, lounging around and watching the news and just waiting, waiting, waiting to see if they were all okay.

Of course he knew they would always come back. They didn’t really have to sit him down and have a talk, since he had figured it out on his own when Adam and survived the accident. He told them he knew, and they all nodded and moved onto another topic. He could always tell when it was something that they didn’t want to talk about, and he would drop it before he could make one of them upset.

He knew they’d always return, but he also knew that immortality didn’t come with invulnerability. They still took gunshot wounds, they suffered from knife stabs and burns and water in their lungs. Joel had to watch Sean scream and writhe in agony as Lawrence removed a bullet from right above his heart, had to actually watch him _die_ from the pain, and even though he knew he would come back… it was still an experience he hated going through.

He also knew it was their job and they had to keep up appearances. By now he understood every aspect of the job, from the command down right to the bottom of the ladder. It didn’t mean he liked it at all, didn’t like them going out and getting hurt and leaving him there all alone. He understood though. He would never ask them to stop for his sake.

They would obviously outlive him. Once he got too old for them they’d toss him out and find a new toy to play around with. It didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy their love and company now. They let him live his life, after many promises and many phone calls, he was doing his work from their office now, and his family was informed he was okay and had found ‘a nice man to settle down with’ out of the country and wouldn’t be around that often. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Joel, we’ll be back by dinner time.” Bruce pressed a kiss to his head as they all got prepared for another heist. Joel was sitting alone on the couch, holding his knees to his chest and watching with a pout as his boyfriends slipped on their gear and prepared their weapons.

“I expect Chinese.” Joel huffed, but couldn’t help but smile at Adam’s gentle chuckle and the fond smile that spread across Matt’s face.

“We’ll stop our heist and get you a hundred egg rolls, babe.” James chimed, kissing Joel gently before heading out with Bruce to get the cars ready.

“I expect no less!” Joel yelled after him, and was silenced by a sweet kiss by Matt and one followed right after that by Sean.

“Be good.” Matt grumbled before giving him one last kiss, and he and Sean followed the path that James and Bruce had taken. Joel smiled and felt a bit better, and accepted Adam’s goodbye kiss and, surprisingly, even Lawrence's.

“One hundred and one egg rolls will be yours in under three hours, babe.” Adam hummed as he slung his bag onto his back. Lawrence rolled his eyes but had a genuine smile on, and they both gave a short wave before heading out.

If Joel had known he was going to die that day, he would have made those goodbyes a little bit longer. He would have told Bruce how perfect he was, told James how much he had truly changed his view on life. He would have held Matt’s kiss for just a little bit longer, would have looked into his wonderful eyes and just taken him in. He would have told Sean he loved him and that the young man was his world. He would have told Adam not to cry, because he knew fine well that the big sap was going to. He would have made sure Lawrence didn’t blame himself, with the world already on his shoulders.

He would have let them all know just how much he loved them. That if he was given a chance to go back to that day he was lost in the dock and change everything that had happened, he would tell them that he never would. They had loved him more than any person ever had before, and he never wanted to die again. That every awful feeling he had ever felt had been erased from his being and replaced with just them.

If he had known that at four thirty that four armed men would bust into the building, searching for FunHaus plans and information, he would have hidden instead of grabbing at a baseball bat and trying to defend himself. He had to admit to himself that he put up a pretty good fight, and actually managed to take two of them down. Snuck up behind the one and knocked some of the teeth right out of his mouth.

His plan had been to take a gun, but another man came up and had shot him once in the shoulder before he could. Joel wasn’t going down without a fight though, not with so much to live for now, and had very much surprised the man by swinging his bat even with a very bloody shoulder. The man had crumpled after two very precise hits, and if his shoulder hadn’t ached so damn much he might have been able to think and take a gun, but his mind was swallowed by pain.

His torso had exploded with pain, and he stood no chance to the bullets as they entered from his back one after another. He collapsed onto the floor and heard the remaining two rushed voices hissing at each other before grabbing their fallen companions and dashing out of the building.

And so he died.

\----

_Hún sat ein við vatnið og söng til hans ljúfsára söngva, uns hann birtist_

Adam had never had the most spectacular of lives. He was born into a shit life, with a terrible family, and it had only pushed him towards the bad path of life he was one. He had nothing to live for for a long time, and yet could never die. His life had been a meaningless, empty void until he had found his five best friends. They had filled in that void in his heart that had been killing him in a way that could only make him suffer.

And then Joel walked into their lives. It was as if that hole had finally been patched and covered, no breaks in his heart, nothing but the love he was sharing with those around him there now. Adam had never been more happy in all of his days.

_Svanur svanur segðu mér, hvert siglir þú er sólin fer?_

“I hope Joel will settle with just _two_ egg rolls. I got us all dinner, so buying out all the egg rolls wasn’t an option when Mr. Money Bags Kovic only gave me a hundred!” James got out of the van first, holding two bags in his hands. Bruce followed behind him, laughing and carrying an armful of containers.

“I feel like he’ll eat mine anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” Adam slid out of the van himself, grabbing the drinks that they had gotten along the way. They were going to have a feast that night and he knew Joel would love it, especially after all the time he’d spent alone that week.

_Svanur svanur segðu mér, hvert siglir þú er sólin fer?_

When they entered the building, everything felt too silent. Joel would normally involve himself in a game or a movie or at least have some sort of music on while they were off doing jobs, but today it was completely silent.

“...Adam?” James and Bruce were stopped at the door, both staring at a pair of bloody footprints coming from the living room. Adam’s heart stopped beating, he swore, as his eyes followed those bloody steps.

_Hvar sem hann skildi sín, en aldrei fékk hún svör_

The three of them followed the footprints into the large room almost too slowly. None of them wanted to see what was waiting for them in that room, but all of them already knowing what was there.

Adam’s heart shattered when he saw Joel’s bloody body, strewn on the floor with so many wounds in his back, his hand still clenched around a bat that would have never protected him against a gun so strong as the one that took his life.

Bruce let out a startled noise and James was simply staring at the body, and Adam was already in tears. When Matt saw this, when Sean… when _Lawrence_ saw this everything would fall apart again, Adam’s heart would break, break all over again...

_Lífið hinum megin, ef þekkti betri heim_

“Joel!” Bruce finally broke the silence and fell down beside Joel’s corpse and picked him up, turning him so he wasn’t drowning in his own blood anymore. Not that it mattered, he was already far gone, his skin paled and his eyes wide open and lifeless, staring at the sky.

“Jesus Christ…” James whispered, sitting down and still just staring in shock at the body of their lover on the ground. They all expected Joel to open his eyes and crack a joke, or demand his egg rolls, but they all knew that he wouldn’t. He was dead.

“This is our fault. We left him here.” Adam choked out, watching as Bruce held Joel’s head to his chest and ran his shaking fingers through the curls that were stained in blood.

_Svanur svanur gefðu mér frelsið til að fylgja þér_

They were never going to see Joel again. They weren’t granted the freedom of death, the sweet escape from this awful life. Wherever Joel was now, they were never going to see him again. He was in a place they could never be, a place they could only imagine.

“Joel!?” Sean’s desperate voice came from behind him, and he turned to see the remaining three standing at the entrance to the living room, all three looking beyond shocked, all so terrified and torn apart because _Joel was dead._

Adam didn’t know exactly how to swallow it. It was like he couldn’t, like Joel would just wake up because they’ve always waken up. They all found each other after their discovery of immortality, and none of them were ever afraid that the others wouldn’t come back. He felt that way for Joel even though he knew he couldn’t, because he was _gone, Adam, he’s gone._

_Og svanur svanur gefðu mér frelsið til að fylgja þér._

_\-----_

_\-----_

_\-----_

Joel was so cold.

He felt like he was surrounded by water, but he couldn’t find a way to swim out of it. His arms and legs wouldn’t cooperate with him. The water was holding him down, bearing him down in it, not wanting him to escape. His sight was fuzzy and below him he could see a bright light that he was slowly sinking towards.

_“What do we do, Adam?”_

_“Larr, don’t cry, we couldn’t help him, we couldn’t save him, we never could have known.”_

_“He’s gone.”_

No. No, he wasn’t gone. He was right there. He could hear them all so clearly, they were right above him, if he could just swim back up. He could hear Lawrence crying, Matt blocking himself off from the others, Adam slipping back into that sad state, he couldn’t hear James’s laugh, he couldn’t see Bruce’s bright smile, he couldn’t see Sean at all.

He kicked. His arms started moving and his legs followed, and he pushed himself up, up towards their voices, away from the light, the light that only burned his eyes and kept him from his boys, the people he loved---

\-----

Adam heard Joel gasp for air.

They were all far away from each other. They had laid Joel on his old bed until they could decide what to do, but that was days ago. No one had checked on him, fearful of what they might have to look at under those covers. He was standing in the living room, at the spot where Joel had been killed, staring at the carpet.

“...Joel?” He had asked, his voice sounding pathetic to even him. He wondered if this was some sort of punishment for his sins, if everything had let to this and he was forced to hear Joel’s last gasp for air every time he walked past this spot.

“Adam.” Bruce glared at him, taking his arm and moving him away from the spot. But Adam swore he could hear Joel, grumbling about his head aching. He pulled his arm from Bruce and moved to the bedroom, some sort of gross hope swelling in his chest.

He pushed the door open and found Joel awake. Sitting up. Brushing his hands through his hair and down his face, stretching, moving, being _alive._ Adam’s mouth fell open and he had to stop himself from falling by leaning on the door frame.

“Adam?” Joel noticed the movement and smiled at him, his eyes glossed with concern for Adam, not for himself, who had just been dead moments before. Adam didn’t know what to do but move and pinch himself, sure this was a dream.

“Adam, what the fuck are you-” Bruce stopped at the door, his hand that had been reaching to pull Adam away from it now falling to his side as he saw Joel sitting up with a confused look on his face.

He was still covered in his own blood. None of them had been able to bring themselves to wash him, or remove his clothes, so his face was still smeared with Bruce’s bloody finger prints. Blood was still dried below his mouth, on his clothes where the bullet holes were still noticeable- maybe that's why when they looked at him they were sure it was a dream, an illusion.

Bruce pushed past Adam and ran to Joel, pulling him into a warm embrace that Joel quickly responded to with a hug of his own. He pressed his face right into Bruce’s neck, cuddling against him. Bruce was sobbing and Adam still couldn’t move, because Joel was back, he was there.

He hoped to god Joel didn’t choose them over death.

\------

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my Tumblr here: http://swanwithhands.tumblr.com/
> 
> Ask me questions about this. pls. 0w0
> 
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